Mr Right (gets an update)

I tend to write things down when I'm feeling introspective or had a monumental paradigm shift. This is definitely one of those moments. 

I spent a weekend with someone lovely, a Marine from Florida. Let's call him N. We spent the last few days completely immersed in each other. We slept together, showed, got dressed, and went out together. We weren't apart for too long, at any given point in time. 

It wasn't cloying or claustrophobic. There was no invasion of space, even if we were mashed up against each other. It was like this for three days and there wasn't a moment where I felt sick of his company. 

This whole weekend, and all the hilarity and aching intimacy it contained, made me realize a few things: 

I am closer to understanding what I want in a partner. I understand that the previous list I had made was describing the bare minimum in a successful adult. 

I don't want a perfect adult by any means. What I do want is someone who has a semblance of having their shit together because I do not think a relationship could work if one of us is free-falling through life. I also work really hard at having my shit together. The least I deserve is someone who is the same. 

I don't just mean someone who has a good job or has a handle on their finances. I see myself with someone who is constantly working to improve themselves or their situations. If there is something that doesn't make them happy about where they are, I want to support them as they put the work in and would like their support as I put the work in too.  

I was completely, 100 per cent myself when I was with N. Every single little quirk, all the impulses to crack bad jokes, and the need to always touch someone - he met them all without shying away. It was all there. No holding back, no tamping down those impulses to seem cooler or more sophisticated. He responded in kind, equally as silly or goofy as I was. More importantly, there was no holding back in terms of physical contact. 

With some people, it can take a long time to build up to lower my guard. With others, it comes down quickly and easily. Those are the kinds of people I enjoy spending my time with. Those who do not force me to put on a watered-down version of myself. Those who aren't put off by the eccentricities of my personality and meet them with their own. 

And so here I go, with my newly-revised list of what I am looking for in a partner. 

The non-negotiables: 

I want to grow old with them, and take care of them. Someone who is also in it for the long haul, and wants someone to grow old with too.

I don’t want to do long-distance anymore when we date. I want to be able to see this person on the weekends or before/after work. 

I want to marry someone who appreciates the little things in life, like good food and good ingredients. Conversations at the kitchen table with good wine, good music, and dancing. Things like that.

I want someone responsible with money, understands the value of long-term savings, and wants to work together to achieve financial goals. 

I want someone kind. Someone who shows compassion and empathy to others. Someone who is as polite and considerate to service staff as they are to their mother and family. 

I want someone who stays healthy and wants to live a healthy lifestyle. I want to support this person in their health, and I want them to support me as well. 

I want someone patient and lets me cry without feeling guilty. Someone who understands that my tears are not meant to manipulate - I just cry a lot!

I want someone who takes care of themselves - showers, brushes their teeth, and flosses. They take joy in the ritual of self-care because they genuinely like looking after themselves.

I want someone who is in touch with themselves spiritually or at least is open to the idea of spirituality. 

I want someone KINKY!!!!!! Someone who likes sex, likes touching me and giving good head, and gives forehead kisses and likes to hold my hand and kiss me a lot. With tongue. And likes making out. 

I want someone handsome! And not too much older than me. Five years MAX!!!!!!!!!!

I want to marry someone who speaks Spanish fluently so our household will be multilingual. 

Someone who means what they say and says what they mean. I want to trust their words at face value. 

Someone who knows how to compromise and talk things out instead of reverting to the silent treatment.

I want someone who has their own life and hobbies and does not depend on me to make their life interesting. But at the same time, I want to make our life with this person interesting so we have lots to share. We also have to be good at giving each other space. 

I want someone who loves their family and cherishes them the way I do mine. They have to love their mothers and siblings and show them respect and kindness. 


The negotiables: 

I want someone who likes to dance and wants to do it with me.

I want someone who likes being outdoors (especially at the beach!) and is up for spontaneous adventures. 

I want someone who likes to eat and cook and understands my food hobby and not just humors it. No picky eaters. Must be adventurous and open-minded about food. 






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