Mr Right

A few months ago I wrote about the kind of job I would like to be working at by next year. So far things have been falling into place so that this can happen, and so here I would like to write about the kind of partner I would like to have. 

Part of the reason I am moving out of Nagano is because I would like to position myself to meet my husband. For all the largeness of Nagano, there really isn't much going for it in terms of people. Don't get me wrong, Nagano will always be special because it was my first home in Japan and it opened up all kinds of new opportunities in terms of learning how to be a good teacher. But dating? Not quite. It's kind of a hole. I chalk it up to the cold weather, but people here are quite distant and extremely conservative. Even the foreign community here is quite set in their ways, and to someone like me, it can be a little discouraging to see how slim the pickings are here. 

Dating apps are only really good for setting up hookups. Considering how recently single I was, I've done pretty well for myself in that department. It's been nice taking this year to learn what I like and enjoy, seeing the possibilities of physical intimacy. I've had the hard and fast hookup, the absolute whirlwind, and the sweet and slow. Sometimes all three in one go. Regardless, there isn't a shortage of willing and available bodies around and that has been fun to explore. 

At some point I'm going to start questioning if there could possibly more. After nearly six years of being with the same guy, that has certainly taught me about what I will not compromise on. And after ten months of the single and hookup life, I am learning about sex and all the different ways you can have it. It's been a brilliant journey this year, and I can honestly say I haven't been happier. 

I've also identified for myself that I do want to get married. I want someone to love and support, and give them the gift of always having someone in their corner. Someone who is willing to make the choice to love them everyday, and to fight for us. I want them to never feel loneliness with me, and empowered to go after their dreams because I am behind them. I also want to give them a home, and somewhere safe to come home to. I want to assure them of adventures, and the promise that I will look after them. 

Which brings me to the purpose of this post. I wrote a list of the kind of husband I want. I do love women, but unless I meet someone who shatters my entire world I do not think I will be married to one. I have my attractions, my little crushes but nothing has ever been so gut-wrenching that I wanted to drop everything to be with her. 

I've also learned this past year about the strength of manifestations. I always saw myself as Tiana, the hardworking waitress in Princess and the Frog. She worked hard for it, but all she needed was to believe in a little magic for things to turn out for her. And how true it has been, seeing my own experience with job hunting. All I had to do was work hard at sending out applications, and then trust and believe it was going to be all right. 

Furthermore, I have a feeling that I am going to meet my husband when I move to Osaka. I wonder if I will know when I do meet him, or if I have to rely on the sign I set for myself. The rose on a hill. I wonder if I will recognise him as a lover from a previous life. I wonder if I will be brave enough to love him. 

Well, here goes. This is what I'm looking for in a husband:

• I want someone who strikes a good balance between giving me practical gifts and flowers. 
• I don’t want to do long distance anymore when we date. I want to be able to see this person on the weekends or before/after work. 
• I want to grow old with them, and take care of them. 
• I want to marry someone who appreciates the little things in life, like good food and good ingredients. Conversations at the kitchen table with good wine, good music and dancing. Things like that. 
• I want to marry someone who speaks Spanish fluently so our household will be multilingual. 
• I want someone responsible with money, and understands the value of long-term savings and wants to work together to achieve financial goals. 
• I want someone kind. Someone who shows compassion and empathy to others. Someone who is as polite and considerate to service staff as they are to their mother and family. 
• I want someone who stays healthy and wants to live a healthy lifestyle. I want to support this person in their health, and I want them to support me as well. 
• I want someone handsome! And not too much older than me. Five years MAX!!!!!!!!!!
• I want someone who likes to dance ballroom, and someone who wants to dance a lot with me. 
• I want someone who likes being outdoors and is up for spontaneous adventures.. 
• I want someone who likes to eat and cook, and understands my food hobby and not just humours it. No picky eaters. Must be adventurous and open minded about food. 
• I want someone who takes care of themselves - showers, brushes their teeth, and flosses. Shaves, understands skincare and smells good!
• I want someone who is in touch with themselves spiritually or at least is open to the idea of spirituality. 
• I want someone KINKY!!!!!! Likes sex, likes touching me and gives good head, and and gives forehead kisses and likes to hold my hand and kiss me a lot. With tongue. And likes making out. 
• I want someone patient and lets me cry without feeling guilty. Someone who understands that my tears are not meant to manipulate - I just cry a lot!
• I want someone who has their own life and hobbies and does not depend on me to make their life interesting. But at the same time, I want to make our life with this person interesting so we have lots to share. We also have to be good at giving each other space. 
• I want someone who loves their family and cherishes them the way I do. They have to love their mothers and siblings, and show them respect and kindness. 
• I want someone who is social, but not a player.
• I want someone who respects me, and who I respect in return.
• Someone who means what they say and says what they mean. I want to trusttheir words at face value. 
• Someone who knows how to compromise and talk things out instead of reverting to the silent treatment.
• Someone who is also in it for the long haul, and wants someone to grow old with. 

I know this seems like a long, impossible list of things to want in a person. Maybe my own terrible insecurity will also interfere and convince me that I don't deserve such a man. But I will say this: 

I have much to offer this person in return. I offer unconditional love, laughter, music and a home. I am worthy of love and respect, especially since I was shown it it in abundance. I am not going to shy away from him when I meet him, because I will step forward and claim him with both hands open. I will love him, look after him and offer him the best version of myself because I will have worked on it. We will share life together, a home and adventures. I will be slow to anger, quick to forgive but I will not be a doormat. 

I will honor and respect my partner, and choose to choose him every day. I will be his best friend, the one he thinks about when he has news, good or bad. He will reach for me at night when he's had a nightmare and breathe easier knowing that I am beside him. He will know unconditional love from me, and he will grow in confidence knowing that I am here no matter what. 

I will grow old with this man, and he with me. We will build with each other a lifetime of love and happiness, respect and kindness. Our house will be a home, one that I will be happy to build with him. I will hold his hand and be his rock, and promise to encourage the best version of himself, just as he will do with me. 

I will share my values of spirituality, health, family and healthy conflict resolution with him. We will see eye to eye on the important values of family and health, and we will help each other grow in spirituality. We will always be a team together against conflict, and I will do my best not to antagonise him if there is something that needs resolving. 

To my future husband, I will say this: I am waiting to meet you. I love you already and I'm excited for the life we will build together. If you are lonely tonight, know that I would very much like to hold you close and reassure you that you will never be lonely again with me. I know you are looking for me too, and I bet we are going to recognise each other right away. We will have wonderful adventures together, and we will support each other through this madcap thing called life. I'll keep working on myself until we meet, and until then, know that I am unconditionally yours.