Tanabata

Tanabata, or the Star Festival, is a Japanese traditional holiday held every year on the seventh of July. It is a festival related to wishes and dreams for the future, as well as a hope for better things to come. The actual tradition of it stems from a tale of two lovers who were only allowed to meet each other once a year. 

I've always written wishes and hung them on the trees. They weren't really wishes I'd take seriously, just something to write on a piece of paper. This year though, I wasn't able to hang a wish on a tree. I still want to put something to words, since I do believe in the power of putting form to your thoughts. 

Like the hardworking princess in the story, I want to find love. I want to meet my husband soon, whether it be through an unforgettable meet cute or by an online date that went surprisingly well. I think my time with A has shown me that I am no longer so vehemently opposed to the idea of a relationship. If you had asked me six months ago how I felt about that, you would have been met with a resounding "Hell no." I just didn't feel ready to give up the freewheeling life just yet. 

But now, I am starting to feel weary of the endless cycle of hookups. I mean I'm glad to be rediscovering myself as a sexual being and exploring what I've missed. I'm also happy to see that there are people who are genuinely attracted to me sexually, and enjoy what I can do in bed. But I wouldn't mind slowing down a little bit, even if it means narrowing it down to a few people I meet regularly. That is a step towards finding the right person I think. 

I do think about what kind of girlfriend I would be now. Previously, I was just happy to go along with whatever was suggested, too afraid sometimes to make suggestions or be more assertive about what I wanted. I was afraid to be met with being told no, or that my suggestions were boring and unimaginative. To be fair, I was the worst version of myself around that person. I was timid and afraid of my own voice. I didn't want to rock the boat, because I was made to believe that I couldn't do better than him and that I was so damned lucky that he was so patient and willing to put up with my insanity. 

Well, no more. I don't think I am the same person who went out what that train wreck of a human being. I am definitely more assertive and I am not afraid of speaking my mind. I am now more comfortable with declaring what I am feeling and how things make me feel. 

As a partner, I am definitely supportive and loving. My partner would never feel alone or afraid to try new things because I would always be in their corner. They will have someone to come home to, someone who looks forward to listening to their stories and asking about their day. They will have a home in me, and they will have the blessing of knowing that there will always be someone around to choose them.

I will also be an amazing cook and hostess, and will always get the bills paid on time. I will always strive to be better and help my partner to grow together with me. 

Plus I am fantastic in the sack. 

I don't know what posting this will do. I do know that putting a bit more substance to my thoughts helps me understand what I am looking for and they help patterns emerge a little bit more clearly. 

So hubby, wherever you are, know that I am ready to meet you and that you will have a lifetime partner with me.