An Update

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It has been barely over three weeks of starting imiquimod treatment. I am very VERY happy to report that I am responding extremely well to the treatment. Granted, I was constantly checking to see how things were, and there were days where I thought that nothing had changed. The bump is flat now and is now just a little wound that needs to heal. I actually thought I had contracted herpes initially because I was blistering all over the damn show where skin had cracked after being scraped against my underwear. But it turns out that it was just a side effect of the cream, which apparently shows up as blisters in the third week of treatment. The timeline was also wrong for herpes thank fuck. 

Everything is going well, and I am finding a better sense of self-esteem from this whole experience. I wanted to hook up with as many people as I could because I thought I owed myself six years of good sex to make up for the time spent having awful sex. Well, I got my time in and I can honestly say that I'm at the point where I can seek out quality over quantity now. I can take my time getting to know people better and really figure out if I want to sleep with them or not. 

Moving forward, I just have to finish my vaccine course. I am comforted by the thought that anecdotal evidence shows that even after breaking out in bumps the recurrences are much lower after having received the vaccine. I am also going to go in for a full STI check, including a blood test. I doubt I have anything else going on (that at least I should be aware of) but it's always good to check. 

I don't know how I'm going to think about having sex with someone new after this. I know that this shouldn't stop me from having fun, but I do need to be a bit more discriminating and definitely more selective. I am going to seek out a mental connection first over a physical one, and maybe give off less of a hookup vibe. 

Lots of things have definitely shifted after this incident, and I can't say that I regret going through it. Sure it was a scare and a half, and I have definitely gotten some bad anxiety for it but in the grander scheme of things I have come out of this all right. I have come out of this with a better respect for myself and my body. More importantly, I have come out of this with a healthier perspective on sex, specifically that it would be a much better use of my time to curate good sexual experiences instead of just doing it for the sake of getting my numbers up. 

I am going to be okay. Things will be okay. 

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