Where The Wild Thoughts Roam

I'm dabbling somewhat in the strength of manifestations taking form in the rituals of witchcraft. Nothing crazy, just harmless motions like stirring a cup of tea clockwise with your intentions, or saying a prayer to Sister Moon to hear what is in your heart. I am also learning to connect with my intuition through my tarot practice, though I need to be more consistent about it.  Today I'd like to try out something new: I want to manifest my husband by writing down the kind of vows that I would like him to read out on our wedding day. I have a near-perfect vision of what the wedding and dress will look like (Queen Anne neckline, ceremony before cocktail hour and a kickass band) but I haven't much thought of the groom. Not in the sense that I haven't thought of what my husband would be like, since I was just focused on finding "Mr Right" or a "partner".  It is more of highlighting what kind of qualities I would imagine my husband to be attracted to, and...

I tend to write things down when I'm feeling introspective or had a monumental paradigm shift. This is definitely one of those moments.  I spent a weekend with someone lovely, a Marine from Florida. Let's call him N. We spent the last few days completely immersed in each other. We slept together, showed, got dressed, and went out together. We weren't apart for too long, at any given point in time.  It wasn't cloying or claustrophobic. There was no invasion of space, even if we were mashed up against each other. It was like this for three days and there wasn't a moment where I felt sick of his company.  This whole weekend, and all the hilarity and aching intimacy it contained, made me realize a few things: 

It is with a glow in my heart that I write this down: the bump is gone! After barely three weeks of treatment with the imiquimod, the bump has completely disappeared and flattened out. The doctor had a look this morning, took note of the blisters, and mentioned that the blisters were a side effect of the medication. I also double-checked that the thing I thought was a mole was actually a mole. He said it was okay, and that everything was all right.  I am extremely lucky that my immune system is so strong. I think the effort of sleeping well, eating properly and getting regular exercise helped a lot. I should also not undermine this progress I've been making by smoking again. Smoking has been linked to cervical cancer, and I need to be sure that I minimise my chances of getting that. My last pap smear came back negative (huzzah!) so I am very grateful for that.  For now, I should just maintain vigilance. I should continue to check down there and continue to use condoms. I shoul...

It has been barely over three weeks of starting imiquimod treatment. I am very VERY happy to report that I am responding extremely well to the treatment. Granted, I was constantly checking to see how things were, and there were days where I thought that nothing had changed. The bump is flat now and is now just a little wound that needs to heal. I actually thought I had contracted herpes initially because I was blistering all over the damn show where skin had cracked after being scraped against my underwear. But it turns out that it was just a side effect of the cream, which apparently shows up as blisters in the third week of treatment. The timeline was also wrong for herpes thank fuck.  Everything is going well, and I am finding a better sense of self-esteem from this whole experience. I wanted to hook up with as many people as I could because I thought I owed myself six years of good sex to make up for the time spent having awful sex. Well, I got my time in and I can honestly say...

 Let's not mince words. I have an STI. I caught HPV. Specifically, the kind that causes warts.  It was rough facing this conclusion, and writing it down and giving it form. I suppose that in the big scale of things, the situation is really not that bad. HPV, as it turns out, is one of the most common STDs out there, and it is primarily caused by skin-to-skin contact. Most people will clear infections on their own, while others will never show or develop symptoms. I just happen to have one of the two strains that cause visible warts.  It gets better. The strain that I have is not linked to the ones that develop into cancer. I also only have two little ones, located on skin and not on mucous surfaces. I am responding well to imiquimod, and I have a vaccine course set up next week and over the next six months.  It was extremely difficult to come to grips with this. I don't think I was surprised, given the almost reckless way I had been sleeping with everyone. I had alwa...

Tanabata, or the Star Festival, is a Japanese traditional holiday held every year on the seventh of July. It is a festival related to wishes and dreams for the future, as well as a hope for better things to come. The actual tradition of it stems from a tale of two lovers who were only allowed to meet each other once a year.  I've always written wishes and hung them on the trees. They weren't really wishes I'd take seriously, just something to write on a piece of paper. This year though, I wasn't able to hang a wish on a tree. I still want to put something to words, since I do believe in the power of putting form to your thoughts.  Like the hardworking princess in the story, I want to find love. I want to meet my husband soon, whether it be through an unforgettable meet cute or by an online date that went surprisingly well. I think my time with A has shown me that I am no longer so vehemently opposed to the idea of a relationship. If you had asked me six months ago how I...